"Sometimes I get so sad. So sad that I completely shut down. I stare blankly at the wall and it doesn't matter what you say to me. Because in that moment I don't exist."
Neither does him, or the air around them, or any thought in her mind or feeling in her soul. It's just an emptiness she is drowning in, like an endless spiral to the core of her heart. She just forgets it all in such moments, all the trips, all the smiles and the screams, all the fun and the love. Emotionless, cold as a rock on the bottom of the ocean, that's how it feels like.
Actually it doesn't even feel like something more than.. nothing. No pain, no tears, no thoughts, just blank. Then it strikes from time to time, even physical pain from so much emotional pressure and sadness, or who the hell knows what else. And tears and screams you have to hide from the world outside, so you just close inside, down there, covering yourself in an invisible blanket, away from everything.
So it gets worse, lonely and even more empty, more empty than you thought it is possible, but it gets too late as well. Too late to trust people again, to risk loosing the last chance you have for love, so you let people fall in love with the cover you are wearing, all the smiling and lovely masks, even the cheeky ones, because they don't know what is behind them and they would be terrified to find out.
But you don't love yourself because you know your "secret", and you know you're being fake somehow, to everybody around you, to protect yourself, to protect the ones you love. Cause you hurting hurts them, and you don't want that, because the only thing keeping you alive is the bonds with those people.
Oh, little child.
